I must be on some kind of forgiveness streak.

And I do not mean the cute kind of forgiveness people post about when everything is already healed and tied up with a little bow.

I mean the kind that comes after being angry for a long time.

The kind that comes after replaying conversations in your head, thinking about what should have happened, what should have been said, what somebody should have apologized for.

The kind that comes after realizing you have been carrying something that the other person might not even think about anymore.

Recently, I forgave someone I honestly never thought I would forgive.

And the craziest part is, I did not do it for them.

I did it for me.

I used to think forgiveness meant somebody got away with what they did.

Like forgiving them meant saying it was okay.

It was not okay.

Some things will never become okay just because enough time passes.

But I am starting to understand that forgiveness does not have to mean reconciliation.

It does not mean I have to forget.

It does not mean you get the same access to me.

It does not mean the door magically opens again.

Sometimes forgiveness is simply deciding I do not want to carry you anymore.

Because anger is heavy.

Resentment is heavy.

Constantly revisiting an old wound just to remind yourself why you are allowed to be hurt is exhausting.

At some point I had to ask myself, how much longer am I going to let something that already happened keep taking things from me?

My peace.

My energy.

My softness.

My ability to move forward without looking over my shoulder at everything that hurt me.

Fuck it.

Heal the world.

Forgive your enemies.

Not because everybody deserves another chance.

Not because everybody deserves your presence.

But because you deserve to feel free.

You can forgive somebody and still love them from somewhere they cannot reach you.

You can forgive somebody and keep the boundary exactly where you put it.

You can forgive somebody without ever receiving the apology you deserved.

You can forgive somebody and still know that what happened changed you.

Forgiveness does not erase the past.

It just means I am done letting the past have this much control over my present.

And maybe that is what taking your power back actually looks like.

Not winning.

Not getting the last word.

Not making somebody finally understand how badly they hurt you.

Just waking up one day and realizing you no longer need them to understand.

I know what happened.

I know what it cost me.

And I know I am ready to stop paying for it.

So yeah.

I forgave them.

Not for them.

For me.